| (no subject) |
[Apr. 29th, 2007|11:21 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
Mum and dad are arguing. It's half 11am nearly and dad's gonna start drinking soon, even though he said he wern't going to drink today. Why bother saying it if you're just gonna go back on your 'word'
Been sat at the comp for an hour and half trying to do college work but I have hardly anything done. It all has to be in tomorrow. At least my assignment is nearly done just a few touch ups.
Can smell dinner again, I don't want it. I'm gonna look so chubby at college tomorrow if eat anything else, I don't want everyone staring at me.
The cut's on my waist hurt. I keep forgetting they are there, then when I touch my side I can feel them and I start to pick the scabs, making them sore. But I can't help it. Last night I started biting my knuckles, I was trying to work at my desk, while listening to music, but I kept thinking of my life and what he did to me. And I didn't realise I was biting myself until I felt a pain in my thumb.
How could he do this to me? Why the hell did he do it? |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 31st, 2006|03:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Cyndi Lauper - Water's Edge | ] |
I want to write poems but I can't think of a lousy first verse, I have 5 verses and am only happy with the last one.
I feel like crying, I don't know what's wrong with me. I want to cry and drown and stop feeling like this forever.
What is the point in life, there's nothing, nothing worthwhile, nothing to keep me hanging on, nothing keeping me here. Nothing is worth it, nothing to be happy for. Just a big reminder of how shit my life is. Seeing people have a happy life, enjoying themselves and being grateful for what they have, and just wishing it was me. My brother and sister are happy, so why can't I be. Why am I the only one, who's life is so worthless and empty. I just want to be happy again, to laugh and smile and really mean it. Instead of this lonely, empty feeling, it's so heavy and crushing. I want it to stop, I can't deal with these feeling's any longer. Maybe it would be better if I wasn't here, maybe I'd be happier then and the feelings would stop.
Even songs are making me cry, it's like I could have wrote some of those verses, it's exactly how I feel in their song. So confused about what I should do.
Just living to die, it'll happen sooner or later |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 23rd, 2006|10:23 pm] |
Natasha Bedingfield - Wild Horses
I feel these four walls closing in
Face up against the glass
I'm looking out, hmmm
Is this my life I'm wondering
It happened so fast
How do I turn this thing around
Is this the bed I chose to make
There's greener pastures I'm thinking about
Hmm, wide open spaces far away
All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but not feel scared
wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind, I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses
Run with the wild horses, oh
whoah Yeah, oh oh, ye-yeah
I see the girl I wanna be
Riding bare-back, care-free
Along the shore
If only that someone was me
Jumping head-first, head-long
Without a thought
To act and damn the consequence
How I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free
All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear, but not feel scared
Oooh, wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind, I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses
Run with the wild horses, oh
I wanna run too.
ohhh ohhh
Breaklessly abandoning my self before you
I wanna open up my heart tell him how I feel
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing too
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses! [X2]
ohh woah ohh woah
Yeah
I wanna run with the wild horses |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 19th, 2006|05:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Hell | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  infuriated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | DJ Cammy - Hardcore Feelings | ] |
Fed up with today. Henry painted my WHITE cardigan blue and green and it doesn't wash out, then he threw Nemo at me. That kid fucking hates me, and his foster mums sister is a bitch and if she gives me one more dirty look or talks down at me once more I'll fucking have her *grrr*
Why the fuck does 'she' keep talking to me, don't she get it that the sound of her voice wants to make me tear my hair out. She comes in my room to get me up "Sarah, it's 10 o clock", doesn't even bother knocking and if she does she never waits for an answer. Then while I'm trying to have a drink and read the newspaper in peace, she talks to me, and I DON'T WANT TO BE TALKED TO, for G*ds sakes, when will you get it into that head of your's, just leave me alone. Just seeing her things around the house pisses me off
And if this stupid, fucking computer keeps freezing, I'm going to take the hammer to it |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 31st, 2006|06:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | cyndi lauper - when you were mine | ] |
i have to enroll at college on the 6th september (monday) im dreading it, i dont want to go back and the price has gone up to £10, thats £5 more for a shitty little card with your name and picture on to use for the year, and you dont even get your money back at the end of the year.
My boyfriend phoned me today, he has got to have an operation on his knee in september which means another month off work and we wont see each other again, hes off work this week, i haven't seen him since last tuesday, i feel like im the only one in this relationship sometimes.
the holidays have gone so fast, and its so boring. im not even enjoying art anymore so last night i think i packed away my pencils for the final time in a long time.
things seem so pointless..... |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 25th, 2006|09:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | whats gong on - cyndi lauper | ] |
god im so tired, i went to bed at about 12:00 last nite and i didnt go to sleep till about half two, its boring just lying there so at 1:10 i started to play copter on my phone. i accidently reset my top score so now i have to do it again. nothing else to say except im soooooooooo fucking bored |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 24th, 2006|11:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | restless | ] |
hehe, my first lj update.
well...today i did...nothing, i went on quite a few message boards, i belong to 12 now!!
i watched the corrs live in london, i love that show, could beat lansdowne road imo, and i watched the doco twice.
God the internet is being so goddamn slow for me tonight. All in all its been a quiet and boring day, oh yeah and i made loadsa banners :)i forgot to email a friend tho, ill do it tomorrow. my bro got his exam results, he got 10 A-C's. well time for bed soon.....as soon as ive finished on COL..... |
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sarahleigh06's journal